Akhandadhi Das, a Vaishnav Hindu teacher and theologian

Everyone has stuck to the rules, except you know who. This is because we are all Hindus. But there can be conflicts between our Hindu principals. Some, such as you know who, may break the rules because they think they’re special. As the great Gandhi said, stop eating sugar.

Weekly Covid-19 Update

The weekly figures from the Office of National Statistics have been released.

The solid blue line shows the deaths in England and Wales in 2020 and can be compared to the solid grey line which shows the five year average. Disappointingly, there seems to have been a rise in total deaths last week. I haven’t done any sums to see if this is statistically significant. Only time will tell if this is part of a new trend.

The total number of deaths remains about 74% higher than is being reported in the daily figures.

The dotted blue line is the number of excess deaths above the average.
The dotted grey lines show the max and min over the previous five years.

Rev Dr Giles Fraser, St Mary’s Newington

Elon Musk is sending astronauts into space. This is exactly like Jesus’ ascension into the sky, which really happened, and he should be well into inter-stellar space by now. This was Jesus’ way of saying “The sky is for us temporarily visible bits of the Invisible Magic Friend. You lot just stay down there on the ground and sort your own problems out.”

Elon Musk is therefore a heretic and a blasphemer for sending rockets after Jesus.

On This Day

Soberingly Reverend Tom Butler, ex-Lord Bishop of Southwark

Tuesday, 24 May, 2011

Rating 3 out of 5 (Fairly platitudinous)

I’m not living in Marlborough any more, I’m living in (hic!) Wakefield. Wakefield hash a new art gallery. It’sh got lotsh of really good shtuff innit. (hic!)

Anyway, during the war, all the picturesh from the National Gallery got put shafely down (hic!) mines. Except shum got brought back. One of the onesh that got brought back was by Tit(hic!)ian. It was called Don’t touch me, shpeshally there. It’sh a picture of (hic!) Jesus, newly rishen from the dead, telling Mary (hic!) Mary Magdlin not to touch him, shpeshally there. Thish picture expreshes the fact that Jeshus doeshn’t wanna be (hic!) wanna be touched. Well would you wanna be touched after you’ve jusht rishen from the dead? Eh? Eh? Shtands to reason, doeshn’t it? It’sh partical-irly applopliate to discush Jesus being (hic!) rishen and not wannin to be touched at thish sacred time of year, only one month after Eashter, when we all celebrate with maybe a little drinkie.

Did you shee what I did there? I went from talkin (hic!) talkin about Wakefield’s new art gallilary, to the National Gallolly, to a painting about Jeshus. Washn’t that neat? (hic!) God, I’m good at this.

The more I eshperience of multicultrul Britain, eshpecially the not-Anglican bitsh, the more I realise (hic!) (‘scuse me) that other religionsh don’t wanna touch Jeshus either. Muslimsh don’t wanna touch him. (hic!) Hindus don’t wanna touch him. Even atheists don’t wanna (hic!) touch him.

Jeshus ish there for the whole world! The entire world is free not to touch him.

Yesh, I’m shtill shelbrating Eashter. (hic!)