On This Day

Soberingly Reverend Tom Butler, ex-Lord Bishop of Southwark

Tuesday, 24 May, 2011

Rating 3 out of 5 (Fairly platitudinous)

I’m not living in Marlborough any more, I’m living in (hic!) Wakefield. Wakefield hash a new art gallery. It’sh got lotsh of really good shtuff innit. (hic!)

Anyway, during the war, all the picturesh from the National Gallery got put shafely down (hic!) mines. Except shum got brought back. One of the onesh that got brought back was by Tit(hic!)ian. It was called Don’t touch me, shpeshally there. It’sh a picture of (hic!) Jesus, newly rishen from the dead, telling Mary (hic!) Mary Magdlin not to touch him, shpeshally there. Thish picture expreshes the fact that Jeshus doeshn’t wanna be (hic!) wanna be touched. Well would you wanna be touched after you’ve jusht rishen from the dead? Eh? Eh? Shtands to reason, doeshn’t it? It’sh partical-irly applopliate to discush Jesus being (hic!) rishen and not wannin to be touched at thish sacred time of year, only one month after Eashter, when we all celebrate with maybe a little drinkie.

Did you shee what I did there? I went from talkin (hic!) talkin about Wakefield’s new art gallilary, to the National Gallolly, to a painting about Jeshus. Washn’t that neat? (hic!) God, I’m good at this.

The more I eshperience of multicultrul Britain, eshpecially the not-Anglican bitsh, the more I realise (hic!) (‘scuse me) that other religionsh don’t wanna touch Jeshus either. Muslimsh don’t wanna touch him. (hic!) Hindus don’t wanna touch him. Even atheists don’t wanna (hic!) touch him.

Jeshus ish there for the whole world! The entire world is free not to touch him.

Yesh, I’m shtill shelbrating Eashter. (hic!)