Month: May 2021
The Catholic Church welcomes Boris Johnson
On this auspicious occasion, the Catholic Cathedral of Westminster is delighted to welcome the Prime Minister of the (mostly) United Kingdom and his fiancee Carrie Simmons.
“I’ve always been a dedicated and pious Catholic,” lied the Prime Minister[*]. “I’m well aware of the importance and sanctity of marriage, having been married so many times before.
“I can absolutely assure Carrie that my philandering days are over. I won’t be meeting any mistresses behind my new wife’s back in the same way that I met her. You have my word on that.”
“I was born a Catholic, confirmed in the C of E, have expressed my admiration for secular humanism, but am now definitely, absolutely, resolutely, irreversibly Catholic.
“I have given my firm assurance that all of my children, that’s both, no three, or is it four or five, will be raised as Catholics.”
The Phantasmically Reverend Monsignor Ivor Twoface, spoke on behalf of Westminster Cathedral.
“This is fantastic publicity for the Cathedral and just goes to show what a brilliant religion Catholicism is. If we can attract people of the quality, honesty and integrity of the Prime Minister then the sky’s the limit.”
[*] All quotes from everybody are as true as anything said by Boris Johnson. They’re that reliable.
Brian Draper, in Southampton, Associate lecturer at the London Institute for Contemporary Christianity
And in the Big News today from a Faith Perspective, isn’t the series Friends just brilliant! Friends are exactly the same as the Invisible Magic Friend, except that they exist.
Rev Dr Rob Marshall, Priest at St John the Evangelist, Welwyn Garden City
Sport. Isn’t it just fantastic, especially during the Invisible Magic Friend’s Holy Pandemic.
Sport is a theological matter. In fact, there wouldn’t be any sport without theology. That’s how important theology is.
Ex-Rev Canon Angela Tilby, Christ Church Cathedral Oxford
Dominic Cummings mentioned the Invisible Magic Friend’s Holy Virus. This is exactly the same as the arrival of the particularly invisible third of the Invisible Magic Friend to make us all wise.