There’s a Bmmph Jewish Festimmmph coming up. Happy Pmmmphvr everyone! The Queen mmmpphh. The NHS stmmph. The Talmummmph mmmph mnfff.

I’m sure I mmmpph clear as alwmmpphs.

Happy nearly Palm Sunday everybody. This is where Jesus, who definitely did not invent the virus, rode into Jerusalem on a donkey.

Plus some other stuff.

And in the Big News today from a Faith Perspective, I’m unable to go and see my Invisible Magic Friend, who definitely did not invent the virus.

We Catholics believe that bread and wine is turned into the body and blood of the temporarily visible third of the Invisible Magic Friend due to the magic powers passed from Jesus to the priest. I’m quite happy to announce this publicly on a national radio news programme because it’s such a rational, sensible and obviously true thing.

But watching the priest perform his magic tricks on the interweb is just not the same.

After careful consideration and much thought, I have come to a startling conclusion. I have discovered, and I think I am right in saying I am the first person ever to realise this, that people need other people. Yes, that’s right, the world actually needs people other than me. Who’d have thought it?

And in the Big News today from a Faith Perspective, I had a baby three years ago.

Which brings me to what the book of Romans says about the virus and babies.

Therefore Easter.

My point is clear.