Some people go out at night. I just wanted to say that because it’s got the word “night” in it. You can forget about it now.

Some people work at night. The Big Book of Magic Stuff mentions shepherds who watch their flocks by night. So thank you, people who work at night. Aren’t you glad you get mentioned in the Big Book of Magic Stuff, otherwise I’d just ignore you.

Part of the Continuing Adventures of Bojo the Lying Clown and his evil sidekick Darth Cummings

Bojo: Gather round now all you new boys and girls, especially the girls. Come on, let’s have a look at you. Darth and I would both like to, to, to, to welcome you all to Westminster. Isn’t that right Darth.
Darth: …fffff…sssss. Yes, my master.
Bojo: Now I just want to make it absolutely clear that we don’t want any of that shenanigans that we saw in the last Parliament, with people voting against the Withdrawal Agreement.
New MP: You mean like you did?
Bojo: What, what?
New MP: Twice.
Bojo: That, that, that, that, that was a totally different, completely different Withdrawal Agreement.
New MP: Yeah, the one without a border down the Irish Sea.
Bojo: Quieten down there, or Darth here might might have to use force.
Darth: …fffff…sssss. The Force is strong with this one.
Bojo: Now, Darth here has come up with a cunning plan to confound those dastardly foreigners, erm, I mean, our European friends. You recall that we asked the EU to allow an extension to the transition period and they said yes. Well now we’re going to make that illegal.
New MP: How does that help us?
Bojo: It shows that we’re not to be messed about with.
New MP: But surely it only limits our options. It doesn’t hurt them in any way. And didn’t you promise to keep it in the deal, along with environmental protections and workers’ rights?
Darth: …fffff…sssss. I am altering the deal. Pray I do not alter it any further. …fffff…sssss…
Bojo: Moving on, moving on. I want this to be a One Nation Conservative government. Many people in our country will be disappointed by the election result. It’s our job to bring the whole country together.
New MP: You mean by making us equally disappointed and breaking all your promises to us as well? Like the promised inquiry into Islamophobia, I noticed that’s been watered down already.
Bojo: Forget about those old promises. I’ve made lots of new promises since then and these are much better promises because I intend to keep these.
New MP: Yeah, that seems likely.
Bojo: Darth, help!
Darth: If you will not turn to the dark side… fffff…sssss…
New MP: Aghhhh!

Boris has promised a fair share of the national wealth for the North. A sort of Northern Powerhouse. Jesus agrees and I believe them both equally.

Sport can help in the fight against racism. Therefore Islam.

Boris the Lying Clown and his evil sidekick Darth Cummings

Boris: BHAHaHaaaaa, we won Darth, we won.
Darth: intake of breath …fffff…sssss…
Boris: And now, now, now, now… we, we, we can show then all, yes indeed, show them all that I, that my government, is a One Nation Conservative government.
Darth: …fffff…sssss…
Boris: That is to say, one nation UNDER ME. Veni, vedi, veci.
Darth: …fffff…sssss…
Boris: But, but, but, but there are still, still some people, yes some people who do not love cuddly, dishevelled, lovable Boris.
Darth: …fffff…sssss…
Boris: The be, be, be, be, BBC for a start, with their disrespectful questions about policy and finances, and of course… Channel 4. What do you think of them Darth?
Darth: …fffff…sssss… I find their lack of faith… disturbing… fffff…sssss…
Boris: Well said, well said indeed Darth. We will cut off their funding, remove their charter. I’ll teach them to make fun of One Nation under me.
Darth: …fffff…sssss…
Boris: Release Bad Boris!
Darth: …fffff…sssss…
Boris: Oh, darned, there’s one of those awkward reporters, wanting to ask questions about single market access, or some woman stuck in Iran. Quick, to the walk in fridge Darth!
Darth: …fffff…sssss…