And in the Big News today from a Faith Perspective, yesterday was Christmas. The King gave his speech from St George’s chapel, a sort of heretic, pretend church that I’ve been to.

Today many people will go for a walk. Walking is mentioned in the Big Book of Magic Stuff. Indeed, Jesus himself walked. Yes, walking is THAT important. Although some of his walks were metaphorical rather than real. You can tell which bits of the Big Book of Magic Stuff are metaphorical because we tell you.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1SyZ3C1CpSM5aXk2nJaiGVPD0Jb7U8IZH/view?usp=sharing

17 Dec 2011 Rev Rob Marshall, an Anglican Priest
Rating 4 out of 5 (Highly platitudinous)

Hi Mary, Gabriel here. I would have texted u but that hasn’t been invented yet. Great news!
Who are you?
I told you, I’m Gabriel, the angel Gabriel.
Aha. So what’s this good news then?
The Particularly Invisible Bit of the Invisible Magic Friend has just blessed you.
Has just what?
He’s just blessed you.
Sorry?
You know… blessed.
I don’t follow.
Oh come on, do I have to spell it out? He came in here just now, went underneath your sheet and… you know… blessed you.
Oh, I see! Blessed! That’s a bit of a liberty don’t you think. I mean, usually a girl likes to be courted a little bit. A box of chocolates, some flowers, even an introduction might have been nice.
Yes, well, He’s not really into all that sentimental stuff, what with Him not being human or having any hormones. He really just likes to get on with the business end of things.
He must have been very quick, I didn’t even notice I was being “blessed”.
That’s Him alright! When He wants to bless someone He doesn’t hang about. It’s just straight in there and, woosh, He’s one fast blesser.
So now what?
Well you’ll have a baby boy who, according to prophecy, will be named Emmanuel.
I think I prefer Jesus.
He will be the Messiah.
No one in the family’s called Emmanuel.
He will be the salvation of mankind.
Jesus has got a nice ring to it don’t you think?
You will be worshipped as the replacement mother goddess, as the Queen of Heaven. Well, not worshipped exactly, more sort of… er…
Blessed?
Yes blessed! No! No, no, no, no, no. Not blessed.

And that everyone, is the True Meaning of Advent.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p00mnv2x

And in the Big News today from a Faith Perspective, I’ll get to celebrate Midnight Mass tonight. It’s brilliant. I’ve got a favourite carol which drowns out the noise. There’s just too much pointless noise. Too many people talking rubbish. We need to extract the True Meaning of Christmas to block out all the frivolous, irrelevant, anachronistic, drivel that some people talk.

This is called “signal processing” and it was taught to me by a proper physicist.

I’m so glad there’s been absolutely nothing happening in the news this week to distract from a very Merry Christmas.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1lSTzGWJZU2eOtfif7n3kLwNJYb6BMp9P/view?usp=sharing

And in the Big News today from a Faith Perspective, I’ve been to Bethlehem. Has anyone mentioned Christmas yet?

Naturally, as a celebrity, Christian writer, I’m not going to just rattle off the Christmas story, of a manger, the birth of the temporarily visible third of the Invisible Magic Friend, who was definitely born here, the wise men, the gifts etc. No, I’m going to subtlety and cleverly weave the story into my own pilgrimage that was actually a shopping trip.

Isn’t it amazing. All this week, there’s been absolutely no news at all.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1FOAmih_IsZd2tggukYj1o3DG84mtKpzt/view?usp=sharing