Rev Dr Michael Banner, Dean and Fellow of Trinity College, Cambridge

English rivers are full of sludge, slurry, sewage, chemicals and plastics.

Water gets mentioned in the Big Book of Magic Stuff. This tells us that water is really, really important. So it’s a good job the Big Book of Magic Stuff was there. Otherwise we might not have reallised that water is really, really important and I wouldn’t have been able to explain that too you.

5 thoughts on “Rev Dr Michael Banner, Dean and Fellow of Trinity College, Cambridge

  1. You should tremble when you drink water, otherwise your country might get invaded. And something about the god of the Hebrew bible. Is the god of the Hebrew bible not the same as the god of the rest of the bible then?


  2. At least a try at linking his TFTD to something in the news. I’m not sure that the bible is at all relevant to modern pollution problems though.
    In the same chapter of Ezekiel it says “The days are near when every vision will be fulfilled”. Strangely, this prophecy occurs in a document dated 592 to 570 B.C. so I wonder what “near” and “fulfilled” means?
    Also in that chapter it says “This is what the Sovereign Lord says: None of my words will be delayed any longer; whatever I say will be fulfilled, declares the Sovereign Lord.”
    The book of Ezekiel also includes a prophecy of a great battle that will precede the Second Coming of Jesus Christ. Would that be Marathon, Agincourt, Waterloo, Vienna, Helms Deep…?
    So what then if Ezekiel offers any advice on how to manage water pollution? It can hardly be said that any part of the Bible has any advice on plastic waste, unless Banner can point me to verses that do?


  3. Of course, we don’t know what Jesus would have thought about plastic waste as the aforesaid substance hadn’t been invented then. However, had it been invented there is absolutely no doubt that Jesus would have had something incomparably wise, thought-provoking and infallible to say about plastic waste. It’s just a shame that we’ll never find out what it was. We just have to make do with David Attenborough instead. And let’s face it, he’s nearly as good as Jesus.


  4. Well, that was pretty well par for the course for TftD: talk about something which may or may not be an item of current news, dredge up a spurious quote from the BBoMS, and finish without suggesting any way in which the issue raised might be tackled.

    In this case, though, it’s not too difficult. At present, the water companies find it more profitable not to bother treating sewage and waste water properly, and paying fines in the unlikely event that the Environment Agency catches them out. The eye-watering fine imposed on Southern Water last year for its cynical and blatant approach to water treatment may indicate a welcome change of direction. Proper enforcement of the regulations, backed up by the threat of criminal sanctions against individual directors and managers, might bring about a rapid sea-change (as it were).

    This is surely not controversial, so why can’t Banner bring himself to say it? Probably because it would highlight the fact that his BBoMS and his IMF are utterly irrelevant, and the only way we are going to be able to address this problem is to do it all by ourselves. As usual.


  5. ‘All our rivers are polluted with sewage, slurry and plastics, so that you really wouldn’t want to swim in them, let alone drink the water.

    This is just like when, in my Big Book of Magic Stuff, the Hebrew IMF turned all the water in Egypt into blood, so that all the fish in the Nile died, the river stank, and the Egyptians were unable to drink… Er, this act of pure hatred and malice shows how different the IMF of the Hebrew BBOMS is different from, well… from the other guy; the Jesus / Jesus’ dad / holy spirit three-in-one-and-one-in-three IMF, who’s all about love and goodness and that kind of chilled stuff. I’m sure he would never think about polluting water so that people died… or perhaps he has? He created the Holy Virus, after all. Hmmm… Maybe water polluted by naughty water companies and farmers has a scriptural parallel too uncomfortable to make.

    In other news…’


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s