Chine McDonald, professional Christian

And in the Big News today from a Faith Perspective, I’m having a baby.

The Big Book of Magic Stuff has a fictional pair of midwives who don’t kill babies. Weren’t they just great.

I can stand childbirth because I’ve got an Invisible Magic Friend.

9 thoughts on “Chine McDonald, professional Christian

  1. ‘In my modern Pick-n-Mix version of Christianity, I’m free to say “The God I believe in is like this.” I like this touchy-feely kind of religion because it allows us TFTD contributors to cherry-pick all the nice bits from the BBOMS (like the everyday tale of midwives resistant to committing genocide) without having to wrestle with all the puzzling, scary, or horrible stuff; it means we can have a nice, cuddly, caring IMF who we can imagine bringing comfort in the form of NHS maternity staff, rather than a sort of Harold Shipman type IMF, who wouldn’t think twice about killing the people he supposedly cares for – no such IMF could possibly exist; or if he does, I for one don’t believe in him.’


    1. Excellent comment.. just as the Black Liberationists think they can pick and choose what colour God they believe in and cite the idea that wanting to prevent holocaust of the Jews had some ancient pedigree, so it is blindingly obvious that the God of the Jews did nothing to stave off their extermination when it really came at Hitlers hands. For some reason He also sent the Messiah among them whom they rejected and put to death to save their nation from slaughter which came about even so in AD 70. In the misery of the camps the Jews saw fit to sentence their God to a similar fate as they were undergoing. For every midwife that supposedly saved Hebrew children from death in the Egyptian captivity which is nowhere in recorded history there are now other female medical personnel who assist at abortions and in Hitlers Germany nurses who carried out euthanasia and brought wounded SS murderers back to health because they had special marks on their arms I am afraid we live in the universe of Kafka regarding the archetypal nurse nowadays rather than the beneficent figures Chine Macdonald draws so partially from her Bandung version of the Bible. Amen to all that you observe of this.


  2. “Since modern healthcare has become widely available, my Invisible Magic Friend has been saving loads of babies. What a guy.”
    Our Chine quotes from her BBoMS, Psalms 71:6. She says “womb” but in the King James Version her IMF “took me out of my mother’s bowels”. I don’t know if it’s the psalmist or the KJV translator (or the IMF? – the buck stops at the top, surely) who cared little for anatomical accuracy within a woman.


    1. @DeviousDave. Just out of interest, because I used to sing Psalms day in, day out as a Cathedral chorister, I looked up the verse in the Book of Common Prayer, which we sang from, and which uses Coverdale’s translation of the Psalms – and found ‘wombe.’ But I think all these translators struggled, and occasionally had to go with something instinctively wrong just in case that was what the IMF (who, of course, guided the hand of the writer) actually intended. Coverdale was at least on his own, whereas the KJB is the product of a committee. Coverdale had his moments too, though. We used to smile at ‘One deep calleth another, because of the noise of the water-pipes.’ (Ps 41:6) Modern translations go for ‘at the roar of your waterfalls.’ But, as we all know; it’s not advisable to go for nuanced interpretations of texts from the BBOMS, since no one can be absolutely sure what the original was; everyone’s walking on thin ice – not that you’d notice given the level of conviction with which scripture is often boldly quoted by the faithful!


      1. This all rather reminds me of this joke:

        At an international meeting, two African surgeons were having an argument. The first surgeon was saying, “No no no, I am telling you it is Woomba”

        The second surgeon is saying, “No Man, it is Whoooooommmmmm”

        They go on like this for about 10 minutes. Up comes the English surgeon, and interrupts them. “Excuse me chaps, but I do believe that the word you are trying to say is “Womb.”

        After he has gone away, the first surgeon turns to the other and says, “I bet you he has never even seen a hippopotamus, never mind heard one fart under water!


  3. The NHS is short of resources: we all know that. It needs more doctors, nurses and, yes, midwives. That doesn’t warrant Chine McDonald calling such shortages an “injustice”, as though NHS managers were deliberately conspiring to deny mothers-to-be the support they want. And I bet she had to Google “midwives in the Bible” in order to find a suitable text for today’s Thought. Not that the text actually contains much detail, which is why she had to draw unwarranted inferences about their “deep tenderness” and so on.

    Mind you, you have to be careful what you say about midwives. One of my old friends, a GP, published a book many years ago that took a wry look at aspects of the doctor-patient relationship. This included a very disparaging section on midwives, whom he called “madwives” throughout. He didn’t half get some letters.


  4. Given the amount of harsh rules imposed on women in the OT I’m surprised there aren’t masses of God given impositions around midwifery and childbirth that Chine could turn to for inspiration.
    One has to ask, if humans are god designed then why did god decide to make childbirth so difficult? As DD notes above, it is only due to modern health care that many children and mothers now survive the rigours of childbirth. Hopefully there is a place in her heaven for all those millions who died in the past or in countries in the present with poor maternity facilities.


  5. Yes you can rename half of Chine Macdonalds muddled musing as the Bandung Bible. I dont know what she would have done had the Bible had something to say about midwives who looked European rather than Egyptian. In another paragraph she have us believe that the King James Bible was translated under the orders of a black monarch and that rather than the Hebrew slaves the pyramids were constructed by black mathematicians. It is a great pity but neither idea is true.


  6. ‘…if humans are god designed then why did god decide to make childbirth so difficult?…'(Paul T.)

    Ah, I know the answer to that one. It was to punish Eve for her disobedience in eating the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge. She and her descendants were condemned by the ‘loving’ Almighty to have protracted and painful labours: ‘I will greatly increase your pangs in childbearing: in pain you shall bring forth children.’ (Genesis 3.16)


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