Rev Dr Michael Banner, Dean and Fellow of Trinity College, Cambridge

Happy International Widows Day everybody!

The Big Book of Magic Stuff doesn’t actually have a special day for widows, but I’m absolutely certain that all the authors of the Old Tasty Mint would approve of an International Widows Day. This makes the International Widows Day approved of by the Big Book of Magic Stuff and therefore a Good Thing.

The absolutely best Widow story is in the New Tasty Mint where a woman is grieving for her only son. So Jesus resurrected him, cured all his ills, and even grew his left leg back. No, I made the last bit up. Jesus hates amputees and to this day has never cured one. He didn’t raise the widow’s husband as he was too far gone by then. Widow and zombie son were happily reunited until he died a few weeks later from a virus that Jesus had created centuries earlier.

Which is exactly the same as the lockdown. Jesus stories are just so helpful.

(ED. Plus idiotic reference to the Book of Job, but I’m fed up lampooning this nonsense.)

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5 thoughts on “Rev Dr Michael Banner, Dean and Fellow of Trinity College, Cambridge

  1. Perfect, Rev Peter.

    “It’s International Widows’ Day;

    hey, there are widows in the bible, which is about Jesus;

    the bible which is about Jesus wins, so I’ll talk about that instead.”

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  2. “It’s International Windows Day, when we remember the loneliness and misery of those who use the world’s most ubiquitous operating system. The BBoMS has lots of famous passages about lonely people, which I have just looked up. Nobody had ever thought of writing about lonely people before. Jesus felt sorry for one of them, so he performed a physiologically impossible magic trick to cheer her up.

    “Thanks to Covid-19, lots of people in this country have been feeling lonely. Now you know what it’s like. Maybe Jesus will come and do a magic trick to cheer you up”.

    The Rev Dr Peter’s was much better.

    By the way, I noticed that Banner referred to the ‘Old Testament’ rather than the ‘Hebrew Scriptures’. First time anyone’s done this on TftD for ages. I hope he doesn’t get into trouble.

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    1. “It’s International Windows Day, when we remember the loneliness and misery of those who use the world’s most ubiquitous operating system. ”

      Indeed!

      And what better illustration of the hope and certainty of the resurrection than life after “blue screen of death”; instead of waiting 3 days, just press the sacred trinity of keys ctrl-alt-del !!

      Spoken as one of the godless Linux brigade who never has to worry about such things 🙂

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      1. Another Linux user here on PotD. Makes me wonder if atheists tend to use Linux, rather than praying to St. Jobs or that other ghastly lot.

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  3. Happy ‘International Mr Jesus Will Do Nothing for Widows Day’, everyone!
    This is unlike every other day of the year because, er, ooh, um, awks… SQUIRREL!

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